SCENE 1. INT. NIGHT
SET BALCONY

The (EL PERRO DEL MAR ALBUM PLAYS FROM PORTABLE iPOD SPEAKERS. ROBIN SITS ON A DECKCHAIR, FACING THE CANAL, HIS LAPTOP ON HIS LAP. HE READS THE SCREEN OUT LOUD.)

ROBIN:

"Hello. Welcome to my website. It is charityware which means to access the website you need to make a small donation to Comic Relief (BEAT)

"You can make a donation to Comic Relief online within three minutes. Every single penny you give will go towards ending poverty and social injustice all over the UK and in Africa. Your generosity will help a lot of people whose lives are very hard. Alternatively you can make a donation by sending a cheque or postal order (made payable to "Comic Relief") to: Comic Relief, Ernst & Young, P.O. Box 678, London, EC4A 1NT or by calling 08457 910 910 (Local call rates apply) or by going into any bank, building society or post office in the UK. "

(ROBIN STOPS AND SIPS HIS TAP WATER]

ROBIN:

"I have tried to give a basic introduction to writing for television, radio, stage and film. The film section includes the UK Screenwriters Network FAQ which has hundreds of pages of information. The Character section is the most comprehensive introduction on the 'Net and should maybe be your first stop.

"Check out the resources page which has the best sources for writing news, script templates, fonts and online pitching sites.

"There is also a page of research links and links to other writing sites.

I have collated all the books recommended to me, all the sitcom scripts available. If you're looking for a course, there is a page of both online and offline ones.

There is a page of upcoming writing for performance deadlines and events.

"All external links will open in the same new pop-up window. This website will automatically print printer-friendly versions of all the pages.

"Please support my sponsors as the commission goes to Comic Relief. Your comments would be appreciated."

(ROBIN SAVES THE HTML CODE, CONNECTS THE TV TUNER AND SWITCHES THE LAPTAP TO TV MODE, EXPANDING THE PICTURE ON TO FULL SCREEN. "THE GREEN WING" STARTS.)

ROBIN:

Bostin'.

END